Wife decides she no longer wants her $500 Christmas gift after husband's constant guilt-tripping comments about it: 'Did I ruin Christmas?'

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Dec 2, 2024 12:00 PM EST

Giving gifts is a tricky thing and no simple task, there are so many pitfalls one can fall into with the act of giving. The gift needs to be representative of how you feel about the person and representative of the relationship itself.

Not giving something thoughtful enough shows that you don't really understand, care, or consider them. Perplexingly, it's also possible to go too far, giving something that means and says way too much. Of course, the worst of all is simply forgetting about the occasion or not bothering to get them anything at all.

To top it all off, some people like to be completely and totally surprised by the gift they receive, and others know exactly what they want and would rather receive that instead of something that doesn't fit their specific vision.

It seems almost impossible to get that complex social exchange correct, but one thing remains clear: it's the intention that is the most important. Even if you don't get it exactly right, as long as your intentions are in the right place, you can't go wrong. That is, of course, unless you go around guilt-tripping your significant other over the cost of the gift you are going to give them…

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  • 02
    AITA for telling my husband that I no longer want my Christmas Gift? AITA for telling my husband that I no longer want my Christmas Gift? For the past few years I've wanted a very specific item. It's about $500.00. I don't like spending that much money on myself and this isn't necessary to the household so I never bought it. It would just be something to display, like an art piece (going to leave out exactly what it is because it would be identifying).
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  • 03
    This year my husband announced he was getting it for me for Christmas. Which... I was slightly down about because it ruined the surprise but I was fine with it. But he keeps talking about it, and in the past month has made a lot of annoyed comments.
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  • 04
    "I could buy a new TV for this price," "I could buy so and so for how much this is," "Your only getting this so don't expect anything else." And finally today I sent him something funny that I thought was cute and he responded saying "well you're only getting this for Christmas so don't show me anything else or I just won't get it."
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  • 05
    I feel like he's treating me like a child. I'm not making him purchase me anything, I'm not asking him to get me this or anything else for that matter. I've said a few times that he doesn't need to get me anything for holidays, just a nice dinner or a homemade gift from one of our children would be preferred. I
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  • 06
    don't like buying myself stuff in general so I'm not out spending a crop ton of money. He is making me feel guilty and I didn't even ask for this! He knows I wanted it because I joke around about it or have made comments but I never told him to get it for me.
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  • 07
    Today was the last straw with the most recent complaint. So I sat him down and asked him to please not purchase it anymore, that I no longer wanted it. He kept pressing asking me why and I just said I changed my mind, he was right we could spend money on something else for everybody. It turned into a spat and he finally got it out of me that he ruined it. I
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  • 08
    explained that he complained so much about it, if I ever opened this as a gift from him I would just think about how much he did not want to get it for me, and every time I saw it on the wall I'd think of how he was so annoyed that he had to buy it, so I'd rather he just not. He got super upset and said I ruined Christmas so now I feel awful.
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  • 09
    He loves Christmas and asks to be surprised by his gifts every year. Which is why his behavior was so strange with this. It's like he felt forced and I'm trying to tell him not to feel that way. I said to please just let the kids make something for me or for them to pick out something special. Now we're both upset and I'm feeling like I should just have kept my mouth shut. This is such a stupid thing to worry about... I just also had had enough of him
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    complaining about it. This isn't what Christmas is about at all. I just want to spend time with my family, go to church, and watch the kids eyes light up and have a happy day. I don't want to hear any of his complaints about getting this anymore... So, am I the ah le? Did I ruin Christmas?
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    --Update-- My husband wrote me a long apology saying that he was an a about it all. He said he will find me something different and he knows he ruined it. When I pointed it out at first he got defensive and after he thought about it, he said he was mostly mad at himself. I told him that he made me feel like a spoiled child for something I didn't even ask him to get and he agreed that he handled it so so badly.
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  • 12
    We have had arguments before (who hasn't?) but he's never done anything like this with a gift before. He usually is quite thoughtful (sometimes in strange ways but that's ok) He grew up very poor and he was just panicking about this purchase. Did he handle it wrong? Absolutely. Unfortunately his coping mechanism is joking around and making jokes that only he may find funny... hence
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  • 13
    the "I could buy a tv for this price" I feel terrible that he was dragged so badly in these comments and I regret posting this at a time that I was stressed and felt guilty. I do deserve what I want to purchase and I will get it for myself at a later date. I won't seek revenge or tell him everything I'm getting him. I
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  • 14
    won't let it ruin Christmas. I won't leave him (jeez what's wrong with everybody?). Our kids are happy and healthy and loved. Do they know Dad makes dumb jokes and can be insensitive at times? Yeah. Do they also know Mom talks loud and makes friends with anybody and talks so much they have to beg her to leave places? Yeah that too.
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  • 15
    Somebody sent me a private message and said that their mother buys herself gifts and what she wants and she's a lot happier that way. I agree! I should splurge on myself more often and work on why I feel guilty spending money on myself and not others, I've always been this way. It doesn't help that we aren't rich and have to think about purchases like this.
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    For those of you who are sympathetic and gave advice thank you. Reading the comments I also think that he was completely the a situation. But not an a general. in this in
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  • 17
    Exciting_Lack... NTA. He ruined christmas and I wouldn't be surprised if he was complaining either to get you to change your mind and not want the gift anymore or feel like you owe him for getting it for you.
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  • 18
    ashkebane NTA. you ruined nothing. His and whining ruined it.
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  • 19
    cowandspoon NTA. Your husband is a bratty man-child and he needs to get over himself.
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  • 20
    Cute_Introduc... Don't feel badly - he ruined it. He knows it but is projecting blame. You are too selfless- buy it for yourself to make up for all the years you asked for nothing- you are worthy of a $500 gift.
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  • 21
    tiggergirluk76 NTA. He ruined it and now he's projecting. If you're going to buy someone a gift, you don't spend the weeks leading up to it complaining about it every chance you get. He's literally been trying to guilt you for weeks - how the f did he think that would make you feel? Husband is the AH here 100%
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  • 22
    Bubbly_Study_... No hw should've jus kept his mouth shut and surprised you or just said im getting you something nice this year that I'm sure you'll like.
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  • 23
    DamiaSugar Nope but start by telling him what you got him and how expensive it is and how if you didn't buy it you could buy... Then keep at it. Christmas is not all about him
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  • 24
    Koalabootie So here's what you do, instead of buying anything for him, you buy yourself this display piece as an early Christmas to yourself. And when he asks about it you tell him: "I'm gifting this to myself for Christmas, that way you can gift yourself 'all that stuff' that you could've with the money you would've spent of a gift for your wife that she's been waiting years for"
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  • 25
    ObsidianHeart... Return the same energy. They never like it when the shoe is on the other foot. Are you still planning on going all out and surprising him for Christmas? I wouldn't. NTA by the way but your husband sure is
    via EnvironmentalEgg7874

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